some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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