Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
