She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
