You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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