Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
