this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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