Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.