At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.