when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.