dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.