I bet he comes in French.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
