turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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