Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
