I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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