Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
