What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
