maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
