Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
