living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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