fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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