The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
