best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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