I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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