Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
