all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
