I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
