I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
