recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
