I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
