I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
