they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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