Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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