Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
