I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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