You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You're like the curious george of whores
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
