She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
