An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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