Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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