nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
