I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
