barbara walters just said penis...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
