i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
