im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
