I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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