I'd wear matching sweaters with you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
