I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
