??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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