it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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