the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So much rum. So many feels.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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