Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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