Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
