so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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