I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Randomize
