My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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