My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
