Nicole vs. Life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
