Got a toothbrush?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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