I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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