When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
