did i walk over a car last night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize