the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish I only lived at night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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