I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
