Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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