Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
