would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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