Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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